I’m Me.

This is the the simplest yet most difficult post I’ve had to write in awhile. I am me, faults included. I am the person people like to talk to for awhile and then drift away from and, although it kills me inside, I understand. I have epilepsy and I’m deaf and this causes too much hassle for people and although they want to be friends, good intentions aside, it turns out to be impractical as I can’t always do the things others can problem free. Continue reading

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I’m Done Trying.

Personally I see the differences within people and communities as their strengths; they provide diversity, education and, in some cases, a sense of community between people. Today however I’m fed up; I’m tired of trying to get the equality, respect and dignity that I deserve, that everyone deserves. Continue reading

Free?

Lets bring you up to speed, if you haven’t been reading recently. I’ve been told  I’m not allowed onsite at work (until further notice) and haven’t actually been given a reason for this. I’ve started cycling a lot more and I live in a random house in Liverpool (that I’ve just moved to.) My life is currently surrounded in a lot of uncertainty, I honestly don’t know what I’m doing one day to the next, but in someways this is ideal at the moment – I have no local commitments;  I’m free.  I have the chance, for the first time in awhile, to move away and not put a lot of effort into it. Continue reading

Understanding Me

I’m the first to admit I’m a little funny about how I come around from a seizure. I’ve had epilepsy for a long time; I know what works for me. It’s for this reason I don’t need people to understand my logic for dealing with a situation the way I do – I need people to appreciate I’ve had this condition for a long time; I know what works best for me.

When someone asks what to do when I have a seziure my first response is “run the opposite way” and, usually, they think I’m joking when I’m honestly not. Although confused and a tad more ‘clingy’ when I come around, left to my own devices my brain will slowly reboot whereas being bombarded by questions etc delays the process and although I believe that, for the majority, these questions come from our human nature to care, to be inquisitive and basically not see others in pain, upset or in a situation that is hurtful – however there are others who get pleasure, gratification, from seeing people hurt or in situations that obviously leave them to a disadvantage. These are the people that annoy the hell out of me.

Why would another human purposely go out their way to hurt another?

A Sense of Community

As you’ll see from my recent tweets, I’ve started doing part time work as a cycle delivery person -surprisingly the pay isn’t too bad and I’m loving the fact I get to work outdoors and get a load more exercise at the same time. One thing I didn’t count on though was the sense of community between riders – and not just for the company you’re working for but competitors too! Today is my third day of delivering food for the hungry citizens of Liverpool and despite working alone, listening to music, for the majority; the thumbs up, passing nods/smiles and general chat while waiting to pass a bus that is taking forever really does make you feel as though you’re apart of a team, working together. Continue reading

The Gym Saga Continues

As some of you will know, I changed gym a few months ago. What you may not know is that I actually took on a PT in the new gym, to help me get a better routine together and help motivate me to go – I was paying £240 per month for two sessions per week. I was going to do my best… Continue reading

Recovery Update

*Previously*

You may remember that not that long ago I went through a bit of a downward spiral, I didn’t feel that I was going to be able to snap myself back together and, after a little breakdown at work, it was agreed that I should take week off. To allow myself to heal, calm and find inner peace. Continue reading

The Beautiful Route To 29

This week I’m doing something that I’ve not done before, cycling my way across England. I’m mainly sticking to the cycle paths and I’ve got to admit – I’m seeing a new beauty to the country. On a train you see a wonderful snapshot of the countryside as you whirl past but cycling you see every detail from every blade of grass to every fly that whizzes itself at speed into your face. Continue reading

I Want To Be Alone…. Maybe?

So it’s no shocker, I have epilepsy; I have seizures. What is shocking is that I think someone has noticed something that I haven’t – I actually, sometimes, want help and despite my constant requests for complete privacy when I have a seizure, I am actually human; I need support, I need assurance and I need to know someone is there for me during a time my brain shuts itself down and my body crashes.

Continue reading

Recovery: Day One

The last few weeks have been a real challenge for me; I’ve been plummeting to the depths of my mind, I visited places I haven’t seen for a long time and I’ve got to admit I was scared – I didn’t see a solution fore-coming and considered possibilities that only make sense when you want the pain, the hurt, the hours of worrying and the fact that you can’t stand the person you’ve become to end. Continue reading