Lets be honest, I’m not the best at updating this. It’s like my paper journal, I buy one every so often because I like the look of the book and then my entries drop from every night to every other night, to every week until, eventually, it becomes a once a month or less thing. It isn’t that I can’t be an articulate person as really the written word is my strongest weapon in most cases – being deaf I’ve had to rely on text a lot more than others so can string a sentence or two together; I’m even working on a book!
That said, at times, even the written word alludes me; I become so overwhelmed by people and emotions etc. that even just writing things down isn’t enough. That said, I’ll give a quick snapshot into my life at the moment with a promise that I’ll do a fuller post in the near future.
My mental health has taken a hit recently, I don’t think I’ve recovered from the situation surrounding my previous employer, how they basically bullied me out of the job – looking for any small excuse to cause an issue. I still have very dark days, some worryingly dark at times; I’ve had the police knock on my door on a couple of occasions as friends have become concerned and wanted to check I was okay. Needless to say the answer is I don’t know. In a world that is moving so fast I have started to notice that I have little/no control over many aspects of my own life and, at times, it feels like the only decision I have is the most ultimate one.
It seems as if no one can help either. I have tried talking to my GP, however, it never leads anywhere.
My epilepsy hasn’t been improving but that could be down to not taking my medication as prescribed. I go through phases where I take it religiously, then realise I’m not religious. I have just started taking it again, hopefully if it decreases the number of seizures I have on a monthly basis this will cheer me up enough to kick the depression and make me want to keep taking it? Anti-epileptic drugs are basically designed to “mess” with the messages being sent around the brain, surely it isn’t too far fetched to think that they may help “mess” them up enough to put me into a happier mood?
I’m a half deaf again, my Cochlear BAHA implant became infected (badly) a couple of months ago, I requested that the site be disregarded and a new one placed slightly further back. I requested this when it was first put in, it never healed right, but the doctors never agreed. I finally built up enough courage to say “this is what we are going to do” rather than ask, it seemed to work. Living with one implant active for the first time in awhile is odd! I went for years without hearing, got these and got epic surround sound – only to go back to being partly deaf. Hopefully it won’t take too long for them to fit the second one again! It doesn’t help that I need to take my surviving BAHA in for repair but can’t find the time.
Finally, I’ve moved house! I’ve moved to a house share. It isn’t too bad if I’m honest, its a lovely big house in a nice area with two massive parks on my doorstep and only a 5 min cycle to the city centre. The other people living here seem to be nice, they keep wanting to be social but I’ve been putting it off if I’m honest. I need to grab life by the horns and all that.
I hope the next update will come quicker than this one and will reflect a bit more of my usual cheerful self!